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PROPERTY PEOPLE – HYPING IT UP
Imagine an estate agent trying to get someone to buy ‘a glum flat for midgets’ or a home with ‘repulsive decor and a so-called garden’? Well, it actually happened – and it was an estate agent in London, Roy Brooks, who coined these phrases plus many more others in his very unconventional way of selling property that made him a legend the world over.
Brooks’ honest and funny advertisements in the Observer and the Sunday Times became so popular that they pushed newspaper sales up and he was eventually not charged for the advertisements. His comic gems have been published in a number of books and despite moving towards more serious property descriptions, his original estate agency is still in business.
Whilst there’s no shortage of jokes about ‘estate agent speak’, there is certainly a skill in writing and deciphering it. The profession consistently ranks as one of the ‘least trusted professions’, but the reality is that they often have to make something good out of challenging situations Or are they? Are potential buyers being lured by fancy language which buries the truth or do the agents tell it like it is? You may be buying a home that’s on a cul de sac (but they haven’t told you that the M4 motorway goes past the back of the property!. The following examples give you an idea of the descriptions and their translations – so you make up your own mind.
When it comes to property, size matters... so what’s the story here?.
Studio Watch TV, shave, do the laundry, cooking and washing up – all from the toilet
Compact Divide ‘tiny’ in half
Five befroomed house Three bedrooms and two cupboards
Easily manageable One room, no garden
As we are reminded by St James property specialists, the mantra of savvy property decisions is location, location, location. So just what are the hidden meanings when estate agents talk about where a particular property is located?.
{Quiet neighbourhood} Nasty neighbours who’ll call the authorities if you sneeze in the garden or start your car before noon.
Friendly neighbourhood Very nosy neighbours who are constantly ringing your doorbell to borrow sugar, come for a drink, have a chat etc.....
Convenient to shops Next door to a busy shopping mall
Close to schools Incessant noise from the school next door – kids shouting, parents talking, traffic, bells etc etc.
Easy access to airport Live by candlelight in case the pilot mistakes your home for the runway.
Up and coming area It can’t get any worse than it is.
And when you’re on the outside looking in – what are the clues about space and gardens – or lack thereof?
Mature garden Unidentified species live in the undergrowth.
Manageable garden A few pavers in a two metre square ‘space’.
And now for some perennially popular classic phrases....
Lots of character Would not look out of place on the set of Gone with the Wind
Original features No renovating or upgrading in the past 40 years
Needs updating Knock-down and start again.
There are so many different terms and descriptions and many people have a story to tell. But for the professional estate agents, it is a challenge to continually come up with fresh ideas that appeal to buyers and sellers . It’s vital that both parties feel they have a good deal say Carlisle real estate agents. Now that’s a language that everybody can understand!
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